Discover your why

Motivation was my biggest fail of 2018. I just don’t know what happened, but I was so not motivated for fitness or even eating right. At the beginning of 2019, I told myself something has got to change. Something has got to give because continuing to do the same thing that I did in 2018 would only dig me into a deeper hole of dissatisfaction with myself and with life. I started thinking about motivation. Motivation is what drives others to do what they do. It is the reason why people go out there and conquer their greatest desires. So I started thinking about the word motivation and realized that there are so many reasons why I want to eat better and exercise more but I wanted to find my biggest why. What would really get me to make a change and stick to it. While looking over my list of reasons, I realized that there are both internal and external reasons why I want to do better in those areas.

Internal motivations are those reasons that are for the self, for you. How does whatever you want to change benefit you. I have found that when I participate in more physical activity or eat better, my self-esteem goes up, my anxiety goes down, and I can even sleep better. So my biggest internal motivation is health, physical and mental. I am tired of feeling sluggish and overtired. I’m tired of letting food control me. I like that feeling that I get when I finally lay down in my bed and my body feels relaxed. I don’t know if you are with me on this one but man I love soreness. It is a physical stimulus that lets me know that my muscles put in some work and it activates a lot of positivity in my brain!

External motivation is a little different. These reasons for doing something typically result in some form of reward such as money, an award, or just attention and encouragement from others. I love to help others. That is like a calling or something for me. So the reward that I get when I can be an inspiration or helpful in someway is everything to me. When I think of own personal external motivators, I think of my nieces and nephew. I think of my close friends and family. I think of all those people that are having a hard time accomplishing their goals. I think of the people that I serve at work that have had the worst life and cannot get started on just simple goals. And of course the biggest external reward is the girl I see in the mirror every day. The change in my body that occurs when I crush those goals. I see strength and I see accomplishment.

Currently, my motivation tank is sky high and I am totally digging it! I have friends who are just as fired up about trying to do better so that is helpful for me as well. I encourage all of you to dig deep in your soul and find your true why. That is the only way that you will be successful. Sit down, grab a cup of coffee or tea and write the word WHY in big letters on a blank sheet of paper. Then start putting down your reasons why. Then put that piece of paper on your mirror or somewhere you can see it everyday and fight. Fight hard to accomplish those goals. My biggest why is because I want to live the remaining years of my life in the best health I can be in. Also, I am 35 years old and just now highly considering conceiving sometime in the next year or two. I want to be healthy when I conceive and I want to be healthy afterwards so that I won’t feed my child nothing but fast food. Nothing against those that do that because that is your child and maybe that works for you and maybe that is all  you have been taught. I just want to do my life the way that I feel is better for me. Good luck everyone! Please comment and share your whys. Thank  you!

It is never too late to try again

December 27,2017 is the day that I took this photo. A year and almost a month ago. Sometime this afternoon, I decided that it would be a great idea to look back at photos saved on my phone and on Snapchat. I remember this day perfectly well. I was so happy and felt so accomplished. I had been working out so hard. In October of 2017 I had heard about an online training program that a dear friend of mine does and I made the decision to look into it. I really wanted a trainer that would come to the gym with me but my fiancés told me otherwise. I went online and checked out his program and immediately was drawn to it. It seemed doable and the price fit my budget just perfectly so I jumped on the opportunity.

When I messaged him, he answered promptly. He reassured me that he would help me and would answer any questions so that made it all so much easier for me to say yes! So I promptly told him that I would be willing to begin in November. I am going to be honest. At first I was overwhelmed. He sent me a workout plan for the whole month. It was basically do these 6 exercises every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Every day had its own target area. I remember Wednesday and Saturday were the days that I did not look forward to because you used your own body weight to accomplish them. And here I thought that the day I would have to do lunges would be the worst part. The plan looked intimidating but only because I had never had any real training before. After looking at the videos that he sent, I was like okay. Lets do this. I told myself, “I can do this”. The first two weeks were difficult but after a few weeks, it became easier. Another moment of honesty. I hated going to the gym for 6 days straight. It was hard. To go from working out 3-4 times a week, sometimes at that, it just was hard. I really think that what motivated me was the fact that I paid money for my training so I couldn’t let it go to waste. I just couldn’t. It would be like throwing money away in the trash. So I pushed through the struggles and hardships and after a couple of weeks it became a habit.

Funny moment. Thanksgiving and Christmas rolled around and I remember asking the gym about their holiday hours for those two holidays. I just couldn’t believe it. I remember thinking, why in the heck am I worried that the gym will be closed on Thanksgiving or Christmas Day!? I was like wow. I must be really dedicated. I worked out for two full months non-stop. I was dedicated. I was motivated. I was seeing results as you can see from the picture above. I was so happy. Then, of course, January rolled around. I swear, all of those people trying to workout at the beginning of the year really annoyed me. I would go into the gym and was literally having to wait around for weights. I would get so frustrated and my workout routines went from skipping one exercise to skipping complete days and then complete weeks and by February I was not working out very much anymore. And then to make matters worse, the AC compressor on my car went out. If you know anything about cars, you know that this is quite expensive. It cost me 1,000 + to replace. Then I did what I was fearing I would end up doing, I cancelled my online training. I messaged my dear trainer friend and told him what I had happened and ended services with him. I told him I would get back with him as soon as I could start again. It was the worst decision I could have ever made.

It has been 11 months or so now since that day and I regret ever quitting. Because I did. I quit. I have to accept that. I could have afforded it but I told myself that I couldn’t. I told myself that I couldn’t do it anymore. I had tons of excuses. I made tons of excuses. Reflecting and writing about it actually makes me sad. I keep wondering where I would be right now if I had not given up. If I would have just kept going. But see that is what happens. Sometimes life gets too hard and too complicated and we think that by not doing something for a couple of weeks or months that we can’t try again until its a new season. You just have to get up and try again. Don’t wait until you have a vacation or wedding coming up. Start now. So this is why I have decided today that I want to get back on track. This picture did it for me. I remember the feeling. I want that back. I am so glad that I looked back at pictures. It shows me my potential. It shows me that I can do it. Because I can. If you have a chance today, look over old pictures or even your journal. This might help you get back on track as well. Warning: be prepared for tears and for a new rush of hope.

I am 217 pounds right now and I only know this because I went to the doctor recently. Up until this week I was doing very little exercise. I would get myself in the gym about once a week and most of the time it was on a Monday and every Monday I would manage to convince myself that I was too busy the rest of the week to do any form of exercise. Today, I am on day two of week one. I feel better. I want to do better. I want to share with others the struggles. I want everyone out there that is battling with the motivation or strength to do it to know that you are not alone. There are so many of us out here in this world trying to get back on track with so much. You can do this! Lets go!

Food prep adventure

It was Friday and my anxiety started kicking in. I told myself, there is no way that I am going to do everything that I need to do in two days. No way. I even thought, maybe I planned too much. What if I start next week. I continued to tell myself, next week would be a better week because I don’t have much planned.  Then out of the corner of my eye, my brand new 2019 planner caught my eye. I looked over at my planner and right in the middle of the planner it read “BELIEVE” 2019. When I went searching for a planner, this is the exact reason I picked out. I felt that the word believe would be a great word to reflect on every time that I ran into a some problem with my goals or ambitions. I picked it as a form of reminder to myself that all I have to do is believe in myself and everything would work itself out. So I decided that I would believe in myself just a little and used all sorts of positive thoughts to get me through the weekend.

Today is Monday and guess what?! I have almost accomplished everything that I set my mind to do over the weekend. Okay so since I promised to provide an update of my food planning and prepping adventure, I am going to share some of what worked for me. So here we go.

  1. Clean out your refrigerator or pantry. If you remove the “bad” stuff like chips, cookies, and sodas, you remove the temptation. Once you do that, fill it up with more healthier snacks. Some healthy choices that I love are almonds, fruit, and healthy bars. If you buy fruit, take some time to cut it and put it baggies so that you can just grab and go. Your mind is used to going to what is easily accessible so guess what you are going to do?! You will grab that. I boiled some eggs and put them in zip lock baggies and today I ate two of them for my morning snack.
  2. Do not, I repeat, do not go to the grocery store on the day that you will do your cooking. It is not a good idea because you are piling up way too many things in one day. You will exhaust yourself. I told myself that I would go on Friday, two days before the prepping day, and then due to some things other things that needed my attention, I didn’t make it to the store as planned. Big mistake.
  3. Do yourself a favor and invest on some three compartment containers off of Amazon. Please do! I found some that work great. It makes things so much easier! Also, they serve as a constant reminder that you have to fill them up with food. Ah ha! They kept staring at me every time I walked by them so I knew I had to get that done by end of the weekend. Now time to be honest, I did not finish all of my cooking yesterday. As a matter of fact, I only prepped enough for two meals. But I am going to follow it up with more cooking today and tomorrow so it will get done. I will eat healthy meals every day this week. The goal for this week is no bread. No tortillas or chips the whole week. So I am pretty sure I will be in the worse mood come the weekend.
  4. Plan enough time for the meals you want to make and for cleaning. So set a time frame. For example write in your planner or schedule, from 3 pm-7 pm  I will cook and clean my kitchen. Oh, and don’t watch an awesome movie while doing so because lets just say, it might be a little distracting and three hours will quickly turn into five hours. haha.

Lastly, what I learned this weekend the most is that if you aren’t successful with everything as planned, give yourself some grace! Stop. Breathe and come up with an updated plan. Do what you can for that day and promise yourself you will do better next time. Tell yourself that you will accomplish everything even if it is in slow steps. Find the plan that works for you. That is the key to be successful. My prepping might consist of two or three days of cooking. For others, it might be better to do it all in one day. You have to start somewhere so just take the first step. Hope this helps! Thanks for reading! Good luck with your healthy eating goals for 2019!